Interview with Spork

[Universe]

I ain't even kidding.

 

[spork]

Name?
Call me "Ray."

When did you start supporting Inter and why?
Back on a dull afternoon of the sixth of November in 2007, I was mindlessly flipping through the channels on TV, hoping to find something interesting to watch since I had no schoolwork to complete. Out of chance, I got to TLN and they were airing some random football match featuring two teams I have never heard of (When all you've got is BPL on your basic package for your cable provider, you'll understand...). As it turns out, it was the Derby d'Italia. I tuned in right at the exact moment where Nedved made that challenge on Figo's ankles, which caused him to be sidelines for a heck of a long time. But back then, I was your mildly retarded, young and naive football fan who had absolutely ZERO concept of rivalry so it was not a surprise for me to follow all the biggest teams in the major European leagues and buy their merchandise (re: ). What transpired me to support Inter was that I had this unexplainable sense of excitement whenever they were going to be on TV. So with every passing Sunday after that fateful day, I tuned into the matches that were being aired and got a eurphoric feeling whenver Inter had played. In an indirect way, this also transpired me to becoming a die-hard fan of Serie A football.
When TLN stopped broadcasting Serie A games, I turned to the Internet and was on the lookout for any Inter-related streams. It has been that way since then.

Hobbies?
Bending spoons, Rummage through the dumpsters for lottery ticket and scratch cards, filling used condoms with water and chucking them at random people, breaking into people houses in order to steal their monopoly money, and watching little girls change at a distance as I look through my binoc-. Wait, what? blivious:


What are your top 5 musical acts, films, TV shows and foods?
Music: Technoboy, Speedwave, Luca Antolini, SoundLift and Andy Blueman.

Films: Too hard to choose, so I picked 5 in no order, unless specified.
Shawshank Redemption
The Notebook (lul)
Forrest Gump
Toy Story 3

Spoiler: and

First person to figure out

Spoiler: hi mom!

the significance of the number

Spoiler: just keep scrolling down

of spoilers I put

Spoiler: almost there

gets their first 100 posts thanked

Spoiler: last one!

Inception (no this doesn't count as one of the spoilers, so only 4 in total)

TV shows: Haven't watched tv in the longest time..............so gotta pick the ones from the past okerface:
The Simpsons, Friends, Two and a Half Men, Malcolm and the Middle and Disney's Recess back when I was a kid.

Foods: Buttered lobster, dynamite rolls, good ol'-fashioned lasagna, poutine and red grapes.


How would you like do die?
In the fiery pits of Uni's underground dungeon, the place where he diposes of all his young victims corpses after he does this "thing" to them.

Where in the world would you most like to live bar Milan?
Somewhere isolated, as I find those types of places to be tranquil and very relaxing at the same time, so Estonia.
shoutoutz to E.J. '92, Solfice and Tanel

Dumbest thing you have ever done?
When I was eleven, I hopped onto an electric scooter alone even though I had no idea of how to operate it. So as you may expect, I was unable to brake while going at such a high speed in the alleyway. Forturnately, no cars were opeating in my near vicinity so I ended up crashing into a trash can and suffered permanent scars on both my elbows, in addition to the many scrapes on my palms, knees and upper back.


Any near death experiences?
Tons when I was learning how to drive. On the highways I would sometimes merge onto the freeway at the time the lanes were occupied by a semi or tractor-trailor. I always narrowly escaped the collision and now shoulder check much more often.
/asian driving stereotypes off

Also those times where I thought I was going to drown in a pool back when I was a toddler, since I could not even perform the most basic swimming strokes to save my own life.


Any phobias?
Arachnophobia a.k.a spiders.

Do you own any sporks?
Well you if look at it this way, I am a spork.

You have to kill 5 celebrities right now. Who would they be and why?
The Kardashians and Lohans...their stupidity and sense of entitlement knows no boundaries. The world would be a much better place if they were inexplicably erased from the gene pool.

will do more later...

 

[Universe]

What is your dick-length-to-pubic-hair-length ratio?

Why do you share a bed with your mother?

Would you prefer a one-hour sensual scalp massage from that fucken Egyptian pedophile, Devious, or attend a one-hour seminar on market / fiscal strategy presented by DirettaInter?

What does the following phrase mean: "crumble my fucken pastries"

Why are these other Austrian fools so jealous that I live in Syd-noir?

Chicken nuggets is like my family.

Who is the best James Bond?

Make sure to alternate fapping hands otherwise you'll end up with a curved dick.

 

[Nerazzurro]

The guy in the vid was indian. Cunt.

 

[spork]

what are your thoughts on the thanks coallition and the thanks thread?
The "Thanks" thread was just the beginning, you see. Do you not remember our special D-Day plan of ours to invade and thank the hell out of this forum?! woops, this was supposed to be top secret :silence:.

Why Canada?
Hold on just a sec, eh? I just need to score one more goal to win this hockey game that's taking place on this huge-ass frozen pond in my friend's backyard. I'll get a quick ride from my polar bear with just enough time to make it home so we can hit it up with the chit chat while enjoying some of Canada's finest maple syrup.

Do you have a significant other? If so, a/s/l plz. Actually the a doesn't matter quite honestly. If you don't have a significant other, can you please take my ex out for a nice dinner and then defecate on her car?
Sorry, I, like many FiF members are :alone: in life...kay:
As a bro, I'll be happy to take your ex out for dinner, with the cast of Punk'd in disguise as waiters and waitresses :troll:
When we finish our dinner, she's going to be quite surprised when she returns to the car park. :lala:

You seem like the kind of person that has facial hair. I'm guessing a mustache man?
Yea man, I'm also rocking a 'stack at the same time. Gotta keep clean and shaven everyday, ya' know what I mean?

Thoughts on poutine?
Our version of a "heart attack on a bun," but on a plate. I've gotten the opportunity to enjoy and savour every last bite of this cheesy and gravy smothered dish made in heaven. :megusta: Plus I had to make a lot of these while working at a fast-food joint in my early teen years.

Thoughts on Fitzy?
I can imagine him passing out after having consumed one drink too many drinks and somehow ending up naked and sodomized in the shady alleys of Kings Cross.

Merci beaucoup.

Which one do you prefer to have sex with? Spoon or Knife? Why?
As a spork, that's like saying would I rather take it from behind (spoon) or scissor with some else's gonads (knife). As long as I'm not being probed with anything short, long, dirty, infected and sausage-like into my mouth, nose, ears, urethra or anus, I'm be quite satisfied. So to answer your question, I'd take the knife.

Would you fight a Strama sized duck or a 100 duck sized Stramas?
Could you hand me a toaster with the electrical plug still intact?

Are you supposed to rinse your mouth out with water after using mouthwash?
In my case, yes. I always rinse my mouth with pre-brush mouthwash from Listerine, so it is an inevitability that I will have to rinse my mouth with water in the very end.

Who were you before Spork ? Seriously, I don't know your username before Spork !
You'll find out when you click on the link that follows the conclusion of this sentence.
Warning, NSFW, 18+ only!

People here have changed their names more often than Moratti has changed managers...

.

 

[Earth]

We planned the d-day for months ray. Months :fu:

You are out of the thanks coallition. :troll:

 

[spork]

-1.If you could get any job you wanted, what would it be?
To work for the FBI, if you KNOW what I MEAN :lala:

2.Do you have any idols, as in people you look up to?
You, Dev, & the major players of the Nerazzurro Up North and Down Under.
sporky here would be nothing without your guys' astute, and subtle trolling and humour.

6.One thing you would change on FIF.
A "Fail" feature to be added to posts, with a similar concept to the "Thank."

3.If you played football (you may even do) what possition would you play in?
I guess I would play in central midfield, mainly because I have some potentially useful stamina in my repertoire - even though I completely neglect the cardiovascular component of physical training (except when I'm playing street hockey).

7.Describe Bale in three words.
10/10 would smash

9.Favorite style of porn?
I'd love me some necroph-, erm, I mean POV :megusta:

12.Favourite serial killer?
El Principe Milito. (get well) Those poor, poor nets have never been the same since

16.Write a paragraph for Strama.
Dear Strama,
Enclosed in this letter is a rubber band, a paper clip and a drinking straw. Please save our season.
-spork

61.DirettaInter or crzdcolombian smallville episodes?
Smallville

Spoiler: Did you know?

Part of the scenes were actually filmed in the high school I went to! Small world, huh?

If you had to elect any forum member to die on a deserted Island who would it be and why?
interista1982, because of his rants on "zanneti" being nothing more than a "headless chicken."

Which side are you on... the thanks coallition or the empire? :challenge:
Coalition, being a part of the empire would mean taking over the entire forum by storm.

Why so spork? :troll:
You just jelly, brah. I bet you would do anything to be in the holy body of the spork for even one single day. :fuckyea:

How many times you jerk a week? :lionheart:
69 times a day. Multiply that by 7 and you'll get your answer. -And just in case your wondering, I've still got plenty of ma' boys down there swimming around waiting for the call.

Im considering to move to Canada someday, which place would you recommend? based on how often will I enjoy trolling Canadians, getting sexiest chicks, meeting other football (soccer ) fans on pubs.
Your best bet is Toronto, seeing that Vancouver (where I'm living) is too much of a hassle to troll someone and pick up a decent girl at the same time (just too many materialistic cash-grabbers).

If you have to chose between having sex with the sexiest Hollywood chick of your choice for one week or having a Lamborghini for the rest of your life, which would you chose and why?
Choice #1, with Jessica Alba :horny: Having a Lambo for the rest of my life would mean I'll garner a lot of unwanted attention from people as well as having to pay unearthly amounts of car insurance each year :fffuuu:

5 things you wouldnt do during sex.

• Ask about sexual history
• Getting penetrated by a strap-on
• Getting pistol-whipped
• Rushing through the wonderful ordeal
• Not wearing a condom - though I'm 50-50 on that

5 things you would definitely do during sex.

• Check if the room is bugged - don't want it to be uploaded to the internet
• Build the pace up gradually for the happy ending
• Dirty talk
• Yell out "AAAAAAANNNNNDD IT'S OUTTTAAAA HEREEEE, SEE-YA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" at the top of my lungs when I blow my load
• Make cross-eyed contact

​
65 things you... ok that`s too much, well 5 things you would do do avoid getting another 5 things to do/not to do question. :Raul Duke:
Lul, there is only one thing to do, and that is to sign up and not post at all

Describe these homo sapiens:

Dyntertainmet: Trolling like a manic one day, completely normal the next. :chan:
Analrapist: The real boggeyman that kids should watch out for behind the closet
Blackmore: Busy as fuck
N4l: Knowledgeable and descriptive
Browha: Stalkin' all the youth players edobear:
Vasilioooooooooooooooooooooooooos: Vaseline
Pajo: Best mod in FiF for a good reason.
Fitzy: Well sayed
Raul Duke: Sup Dukey :shades:
Universe: Hide yo' kids and hide yo' wife!
I4E: Everybody's favourite grandaddy
gauwrilla: Trollin' da trolls, all day erry'day
Lionheart: A fap to Figo a day keeps the doctor away
B-rad (choppinions): There's no candy in the van, wtf :fffuuu:
Buzzdick: Why no 30 posts/day?
Dylan: You're growing up, son :hat:
Devious: cock-blocked :alone:, "you mad?" says Ed :trolldad:
ADRossi: Karimi as the surprise last day summer mercato 2013 signing?
Snake: Rambo's got nothin' on you. :datass:
Roller coaste: Needs to let Uni make the match threads from now on :cereal:
Ana: La Bling says, "I's On Man"
crzdcolombian: Care to share some of your coke?
Sokrates: Philosophical
Nyall: We'll miss your pessimism.
the REAL Nyall: It's like you've gone out of rehab and became this go-happy, fun-loving fella.
any other Nyalls not mentioned: One was enough
Cal: dem Zarate selfpics okerface:
Visca: Fuck Barca :troll:
Willy: Likes 'em thick
Kato: XD
wera: :wera:
ninuk: Forza Juve, right?
Michael: I can has thanks now? :epicwin:
Cafe Cordoba: Serious
monster09: Care to toss me a stick of Fergie's gum?
Batman: na na na na na na na na BATMAN!!!!
Kevin: BOOBS :megusta:
skeet: remembered for the Nagatomo reference to his shoes and chupa chups
JJM: Commander of the Thanks coalition
Pimp: The ladies' man
Ed.:Winner the Emma Watson sweepstakes
Martijn: Martin and Barca sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g :slick:
Wallace: bcus Rocchi + Pandev = Scudetto!
Y&h: Y, because :yuno:
E.J. '92: (V) (o,,o) (V)
_OC_: Never liked watching that show, sorry.
.:42:.: "The answer to life, the universe and everything."
Mad Biscione: u mad? :trolldad:
Scottish One: nice pics on your trip to Italy
Bluenine: Very informative posts
FUCK MILAN: Because F U C K MILAN
Wobblz: Nice graphics you got there
rockball: Fav player NOT Il Capitano???
Ffi201zi002tlis: Competitor for the biggest thank whore award :challenge:
Earth:Front line infantry in the Thanks coalition
Nerazzorro: Up and coming troll with great potential
Anton the great: Known for the Sex Thread, did the tips work out for you?
Aurimas: Eduardo says "Hi."
_Ivan_: Nearly got permabanned by mistake in that one instance early in the season :trollol:
Lothar of the Hill people: Number one anti-Rubentino for a reason

I didnt copy-paste these, I totally wrote them myself.

Ok some emotional shit, where and how did you watch the CL final and what did you feel and do after it?
I was at home watching the game on TV with my dad and brother (who was watching as a neutral, seeing that he's a Cule). When Inter won, I literally jumped high enough that my hands touched the ceiling, while having unfounded feelings of joy and relief.

.

 

[Coasterfreek]

What is your favorite drink?

Also which province in Canada do you live in?

What is your job/occupation?

 

[I4E]

Hard hitting questions from the freek Coaster... Simple 'Spork' Ray is sweating

 

[Universe]

Without cheating (and I'll trust you on this), name the songs these lyrical excerpts come from:

"We're your first, last and only line of defense against the worst scum of the universe.
So don't fear us, cheer us, if you ever get near us, don't jeer us.."

"Swallow your pride, don't let your lip react.
You don't wanna see my hand where my hip be at.."

"Ooh that's it, now honey honey come ride, DKNY all up in my eye.
You gotta, Prada, bag with a lotta, stuff in it, give it to your friend, lets spin."

 

[I4E]

^ That's quite a gay question coming from Uni-versatile !

Question for Spork:

As a matter of life or death, Would you choose anal from Uni's monster 3 incher (girth) or suck Lionhearts 10 incher ? Must choose one.

 

[sanka]

A sir like you I6E never asks such things.

Sir LancI4Elot defender of the weaks/pricks.

 

[Big Willy]

What is your favorite drink?

Not adult milk, that's sure bro.

 

[KevinB]

Kevin: BOOBS :megusta:

 

[JJM]

Which side are you on... the thanks coallition or the empire? :challenge:
Coalition, being a part of the empire would mean taking over the entire forum by storm.

JJM: Commander of the Thanks coalition

:megusta::notbad:

 

[KevinB]

:megusta::notbad:

Thanks for this usefull post

 

[JJM]

Thanks for this usefull post

It's you who want to get thanked here tbh
:thankception:

 

[Coasterfreek]

If you described yourself as an animal, what would you be?

 

[KevinB]

Whose Questions are more amusing :

Coasterfreek's or Uni's?


blivious:

 

[spork]

Don't know what to ask tbh...

Which was your first adult toy, this one?

For a second there I thought that was a Super Soaker.
I currently do not own an adult toy, but if I did, it would have to be a fleshlight. :dino:

soup or salad? (hint: it's a trick question)
Which one do I consume first? blivious:

What is your dick-length-to-pubic-hair-length ratio?
I'd roughly same somewhere between 2.5-2.75 when elongated. But hey, it beats having the 3 incher any time of the day.

Why do you share a bed with your mother?
So I can have some wincest with ma' MILF, u jelly?

Would you prefer a one-hour sensual scalp massage from that fucken Egyptian pedophile, Devious, or attend a one-hour seminar on market / fiscal strategy presented by DirettaInter?
I do love to scratch my hair when it get itchy, so I would have to go for the sensual scalp massage - without the happy ending, PLEASE.
Now in Diretta's case, a one hour economics seminar with him is the equivalent of constipating in the toilet for hours on end. It would be better to end up dead rather than having to endure the needless pain and suffering, not to mention time barely passing by as you go through the entire fucking ordeal.

What does the following phrase mean: "crumble my fucken pastries"
Sounds like another newly-coined phrase that means to jerk off, like "flogging the dolphin," "choking the chicken," or "spanking the monkey," for example.

Why are these other Austrian fools so jealous that I live in Syd-noir?
bcus you got the swag, something we asians got. :datass:

Chicken nuggets is like my family.
Oh how I wish Canadian McDonald's chains had the the 20 McNuggets for $4.99 promotion like they do in the U.S. kay:

Who is the best James Bond?
This guy

Make sure to alternate fapping hands otherwise you'll end up with a curved dick.
Too late now

What is your favorite drink?
Apple Orange Peach fruit juice from Sun-Rype. Sry guys I'm sober......

Also which province in Canada do you live in?
dat one

What is your job/occupation?
I'm a student majoring in kinesiology. Still unsure of what I want to do after completing my degree.

Without cheating (and I'll trust you on this), name the songs these lyrical excerpts come from:
Woops, couldn't resist myself from googling these incredibly homoerotic sounding lyrics. :genius: Now that I know these songs are all sung by Will Smith, here it goes.

"We're your first, last and only line of defense against the worst scum of the universe.
So don't fear us, cheer us, if you ever get near us, don't jeer us.."
Men in Black

"Swallow your pride, don't let your lip react.
You don't wanna see my hand where my hip be at.."
Wild Wild West

"Ooh that's it, now honey honey come ride, DKNY all up in my eye.
You gotta, Prada, bag with a lotta, stuff in it, give it to your friend, lets spin."
Gettin' Jiggy Wit It

^ That's quite a gay question coming from Uni-versatile !

Question for Spork:

As a matter of life or death, Would you choose anal from Uni's monster 3 incher (girth) or suck Lionhearts 10 incher ? Must choose one.
Assuming that the Multiverse Theory is entirely true, I would kidnap a sex-hungry version of myself in a parallel universe and force him to do both.

.