Today, just on time for the launch of FIFA 20 and the start of the season, the public relations of Forza Inter Forum's official FIFA team (known as FC FIFAUW) will hereby introduce the registered squad for 2019/2020 season. The following list is not based on any particular order. These individuals all gay one way or another. But before that, a brief view of the 2018/2019 achievements:
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La Brujita – Ahmed
– Position: Any/Forward/Midfield
– Estimated market value: 80m Euros in straight up cash
– Best known for: Scoring goals tbh
After multiple years of absence, Ahmed had a glorious return to FIFA in the 2018/2019 season. While his Pro was way out of shape like a Higuain, he put a lot of effort in improving, just like a Lukaku under Conte. He quickly gained top form and went on to be the real MVP of the team. He was later handed the captaincy of the team. Not having an Instagram hoe posting regular ass pics helped him focus. His teammates have always provided him good passes, to the best of their abilities.
After he joined, the club always played in the higher leagues 1-3, winning many titles; whereas previously we were mostly playing in the 4-7 leagues. Ahmed has initiated many rolls, takes the penalties, scored many goals and participated in post-match long intimate showers with his teammates. The management expects him to continue the good form this season as well.
Although his Ultimate Team is allegedly good, he never managed to sign Isco and Griezmann.
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Sir0w – Jeroen
– Position: Midfield
– Estimated market value: Free agent
– Best known for: N/A... however, former long-shot specialist
A former FIFAUW veteran who after multiple years of absence, has been successfully persuaded to finally join the team again. The consensus is that he will easily regain his top form of the old days after spending some playing hours. His legendary long-shots are not forgotten and the squad is keen to experience those amazing trequartista goals again.
To boost his mid-game morale and energy he will be having a full plate of Dutch cheese in front of him in every roll session.
Welcome back.
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Cal
– Position: Any/ST/DM/Winger
– Estimated market value: 75m Euros + Joao Sedgwick
– Best known for: Dribbling skills/getting unnecessary red cards/scoring free-kicks like penalties
The top contender for the title of the drunkest young man in Scotland, a loyal subject to her majesty the Queen, a leading member of AUW's gay community, Cal has been a true veteran of FIFAUW throughout the years, trying to keep the lights on. The best of his abilities flourish when he works dat right wing, dribbling the fuck out of everyone, cutting into the penalty area and then either:
A) losing the ball due to one final unnecessary dribble, allowing the opponent to counterattack
B) assist his teammates with a goal through a well timed pass.
Either way you'll be in for a surprise, depending on the amount of pre-game drinking he's been doing. That being said, if he chooses option A, he usually makes a tackle and gets sent off, because he uses the time between being sent off and the following game for a quick in-game fap to release stress.
Furthermore, the FIFAUW team already starts celebrating a goal whenever a free-kick is won, since Cal is able to score them all, from every angle and spot, like penalties with empty goals. No motherfucker has a chance against his shots. While other teammates have tried to copy his success, they haven't come even close and we all know it. But there is an agreement in the community that he has gained this ability by making a very gay sacrifice to the gods in exchange for this particular skill. We never pursuit finding out what, because we are too afraid of being traumatized.
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Devious – Ramy
– Position: DM
– Estimated market value: Not much in today's market tbh. Let's say 20m Euros in 5 installments
– Best known for: intelligent build-up
The cat whisperer of ancient Egypt with a heart of a gay angel. Scouted from the provinces of Egypt, brought to the first team and established as a first team starter. He improved his Pro very quickly and came to be a valuable addition to the star-filled squad. He tried many positions but became most successful playing a classic 6, contributing to both the attacking and defending play.
Negotiations for his contract were successful resulting in an extension for the 2019/2020 season. The club is happy to have him this year as well.
Although he thinks he Mo Salah, but he really just a post-Roma El Sharawy.
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ElDuccio – Davidino
– Position: Left winger/ST
– Estimated market value: like a Politano whose option-to-buy clause has been activated
– Best known for: Scoring goals in an uncomplicated way
Davidino Duccio, the exiled Italian who dwells in a German province outside his ancestral country. If I'm not mistaken he signed himself up last season, as he heard what a great institution FIFAUW is. He was accepted as a bench alternative, but managed to gain his starting position since:
1) An ST position became available due to the departure of Willy and his dedication to pursuing gay life
2) Davidino scored goals easily while Ahmed and Cal battled over who can make the fancier dribbles
Historically FC FIFAUW has been truthful to the identity of Inter, in having less Italians and more international players. Hence Davidino is only the 2nd Italian to play for this fine club, after that fake Italian from New Jersey, vitomins, who rescinded his contract long ago to have more time for changing Pampers.
It is expected that Davidino Federico Duccio will continue his good form, contributing to the teams good results. Furthermore he has introduced his gay mate to the team, an Englishman also exiled in Germany, by the name of Limitless. His contribution has also been regarded as very positive.
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Dylan
– Position: Any. Seriously, anything except GK
– Estimated market value: 75m Euros + Shane Long
– Best known for: Being the most versatile tool in your toolbox
A true veteran and advocate of FIFAUW, a founding father, a classic Irish drunk from the movies with shady night shift jobs, un gran giocatore di nostra squadra, a general who leads the gayme and doesn't lose concentration.
Dylius Goatius is the reason why FIFAUW didn't cease to exist. Like a bar where the customers are sitting with empty glasses thinking about leaving or not, Dylan quickly collects all the glasses and drinks the final drops to maintain his own buzz. He then fills the glasses up with fresh booze, brings'em to the customers and so keeps the bar lively and running.
Same as Ahmed, he scores, assists, attacks and defends. He does it all. Going into lengths of his importance for the team would be redundant, cuz we all know how important he is. He the real GOAT.
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Lionheart – Dara
– Position: CB
– Estimated market value: I'm old. 15m Euros tbh
– Best known for: Nothing particular, just defending really
Like Ahmed, I joined FIFAUW again last season after a 7 year break. I had a Playstation available again and the nostalgia of the old roll days couldn't be ignored. So I bought FIFA during Christmas and started building my Pro for a CB position which I feel most comfortable playing. I see myself as the last man in front of the GK, although I enjoy participating in counter attacks from time to time. Sometimes I get to score from these counterattacks, but mostly from corners. Last season's FIFAUW rolls were very fun. I'm sure we will make the best out of this season too.
Honorable mention:
Big Willy
It seems like you've decided not to be with us this season. We will think of it as having you loaned to somewhere else. Hopefully our legendary ST will be back again soon :')
Forza FC FIFAUW
:epicwin: