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Or if we still had Achraf Hakimi out wide instead of Dumfries...

Surely it's just a matter of time, but Milan would've mathematically clinched CL qualification with a win, as it is they're still 2 points shy from being there.

Tottenham being hot dogshit at the end of the season is always a ton of fun. "Big Six" club my fucking ass.

We are the champions of Italy. Sassuoli is trash. These two things are still both true.

As much as I hate Barcelona, there is a part of me that doesn't really enjoy a 16-year-old being used as the basis for so many of these kinds of jokes. He's basically being made fun of because he's a baller at such a young age on a team that has underachieved and everybody other than their own...

Which also means it's about the time of the year I stop looking so much for meat deals in the stores. My external freezer has quite a bit of chicken and pork in it, and it's better to start working down my supply...I'm not crazy about the potential of a hurricane knocking out my power long...

The only hilarious thing is seeing Milan and Juve fans also pissed off at Sassuolo winning and helping their survival chances. Sassuolo might be the only thing that unites all three of us.

I'm not even mad that we lost. Scudetto's won, who cares. I'm mad that we're gonna be the reason fucking Sassuolo somehow survives relegation. After all the bullshit we've suffered because of them, it would've been sweet justice to put them on the brink or relegation. Instead, we fucking saved them.

I've been saying all season that one of the biggest reasons - maybe the biggest - for why we won the Scudetto is because we didn't have many key injuries and the ones we did have didn't really overlap. Our midfield and forward depth is the definition of pathetic. Some of them are out of contract...

Even a fucking draw would still be damaging to Sassuolo and we can't even do that much.

We're the highest scoring team in Serie A, they're the 2nd-worst defensive team in Serie A, and we can't score against them. Can't make this shit up.

Don't they have semi-automated offside in Italy? Why on earth did that take so long...

...we're gonna be the reason these assholes survive relegation, aren't we?

They have the right idea of where a tie after 180 minutes goes to the team with the better point total, but going as low as 8th place for play-off spots is ridiculous.

How in the world is there this much rotation while Mkhitaryan still starts? Inzaghi must be doing this for shits and giggles by now.

The downside of Serie A getting five CL spots is that we're getting dangerously close to a world where this dross-ridden Lazio side reaches next year's Champions League.

Dortmund with a comfortable 5-1 win against Augsburg at home with a mostly rotated side, Reus scores in his next-to-last game at Westfalenstadion with BVB. Stuttgart wins it late against Bayern in Ba-Wü, only two points behind with two games to play. Fun game, great post-game scenes to...

Torino plays out their 9th 0-0 result of the season. It's been 360 minutes since they last scored a goal. Their games can put a caffeine addict to sleep.

This one isn't a player suggestion for us, for a variety of reasons, more of just a name to be aware of in the future, but Estevão Willian (not to be confused with Estevão Dalbert, a name which curses this forum to this very day) of Palmeiras looks like an absolute titanic superstar in the...

Aug. 9, 2018 Oof. More reason for why I'm just some random loser writing stuff on the internet. Tbf, who the hell saw Benzema, who had scored only 16 goals total in the previous two La Liga seasons (31 goals in 95 games all comps) proceeding to score 111 goals in 163 La Liga games (and 162...